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Get Out of The Friend Zone

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Get Out of The Friend Zone

Going from friend zone to lovers isn’t that rare, but it can be risky. If you find yourself in the position of having non-platonic feelings for someone, even though you’re firmly entrenched in the “friend” zone, you may be wondering: Should I go for it? Is it worth it? If it crashes and burns, will our friendship be permanently fractured? The short answers: Maybe, yes, maybe.

So, how do you go about it? Carefully. This is different than picking someone up at a bar. Before you decide to make your move, consider the following:

  1. Has your friend given you any signs that they’re interested? Be brutally frank with yourself here—it will save you a lot of potential heartache.
  1. Can you sit across a table from them and not want to kiss? Perhaps more importantly, try to honestly gauge your friend’s willingness to kiss you.
  1. Are you willing to put your friendship in jeopardy if a relationship doesn’t work out? That’s the biggest risk you’ll run, so weigh the pros and cons. If the scales balance out roughly even, go for it. As the saying goes, “Fortune favors the brave.”

 

Let’s say you’re thinking about taking the plunge. Should you put your heart on the line? You have no other choice. If you don’t take an emotional risk, you can’t possibly reap the emotional rewards. Taking a friendship to the next level can be an amazing thing, provided that your motivation is genuine. If it’s just about sexual chemistry and you have no interest in pursuing a more emotionally intimate relationship, don’t bother. But if you really feel like you love your friend more than a friend—if you truly feel that you are in love with this person—cross your fingers and jump in.

However, choose your words wisely. If your feelings aren’t reciprocated, you’re going to be very uncomfortable and you don’t want to back your friend into a corner. When you broach the subject, make sure to leave an out (something like “I would really love to see where this relationship could go, but if you’re not ready for that, I understand”). Let’s face it: No real friend would want to hurt your feelings. But if you don’t let them have the ability to gracefully pass on your romantic offer, you’re forcing them to be a little more blunt than your ego and heart will prefer.

If you both end up feeling the same about each other you may find that your relationship progresses very quickly because of your history. But remember, this is a new chapter in your relationship together—just because you’ve been friends doesn’t mean that you know everything about each other. Take it slowly, even if you want to jump ahead to the finish line.

There are some friendships that make for incredible, passionate long-term relationships—marriages even. But this isn’t always the case. And if it doesn’t work out, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be friends again. That’s the risk that you take when you move into a sexual and romantic relationship. Big risks can lead to big rewards. We’re rooting for you!

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About Jenny Oliver

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